


Nights Are for Dreaming, Not Thinking

by ScumdogSnev



Category: Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 08:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16404650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScumdogSnev/pseuds/ScumdogSnev
Summary: A snippet from an alternate universe in which Craig lives with Sean post-Ghost in the Machine.





	Nights Are for Dreaming, Not Thinking

I can’t sleep. Usually, the sound of pouring rain makes me sleep like a baby, but I have too much on my mind. Living in an apartment in the city with bright lights and cars zooming around all the time doesn’t help. I look out the window for a bit before turning away; it’s nighttime, but the lights outside hurt my eyes.

My student welfare isn’t a given. I have to work hard at school and stay out of trouble to be able to keep that privilege, but even then, that’s not always enough to pay for rent. I need to save some of that cash for food, bus fare and new clothes when my older ones get too worn out. I take up part time jobs here and there so I can keep this roof over my head. I hate Tracker for making me do this, but I’m the one who chose to stay in Toronto. I should also hate Craig for limiting my budget and alone time because of his staying here, but I can’t.

Craig’s been living with me for about three weeks now. He called me one night and said that he was coming over to my place. Even after he told me about what was going on between him and Joey, I still don’t know why he picked me over his friends. Isn’t he supposed to hate me for ditching him? Guess not, since he spent that night in my bed. I couldn’t let him sleep on the couch and he didn’t let me do that, neither. So, yeah, we’re sharing the same bed. Craig doesn’t mind and neither do I.

Now, I’m focusing my attention on Craig. I want to see him properly without waking him up. He’s barely snoring; makes me wonder if he’s actually sleeping.

“Hey,” I whisper to him. “You asleep?”

Craig squints at me. “Mm? What?”

Barely asleep. He’ll survive.

“Forget it. Go back to sleep.”

He yawns. “You can’t?”

I don’t answer him. He can figure out what I mean.

“What’s wrong?”

Should I ask him? What if he realizes that he has better options than me? I don’t want to go back to living alone.

“Come on, Sean. You can tell me anything. I mean, I told you what was going on because I trust you and--”

“God, how stupid can you be?!”

Raising my voice made Craig flinch a little. It makes me feel like shit, but I want answers, so I keep going.

“I fucked you over last year, didn’t I? Ditched you for my gang, then you started your little band. You’re not gonna tell me that neither Jimmy, Marco or Spinner wants to help you out or listen to you. Are you that desperate to get away from them?”

“...I’m not desperate.” I heard him hesitate. I can tell that he’s upset, but he’s hiding it. He's doing a shitty job at it, too. Since when did he get bad at putting up masks?

“Then why are you here?”

Craig, still in bed with me, gets on his knees and straddles me. I freeze; what’s he going to do to me? If he tries to choke me, he’s getting knocked out. Not like I’d want to, but that kind of thing is in my blood. I just hope that this doesn't come to his own dripping on me.

He leans into my face. I notice that his hands are on my forearms, so I relax and close my eyes. As I expect, he kisses me. I kiss him back, but I’m not surprised by my reaction. It took me almost a year to realize that I’m bisexual, then about a month after that to realize that I loved Craig all along. It’s weird to me, though; he still feels that way about me too after all the shit I did?

I feel Craig slipping my tongue into my mouth as he tightens his grip on my forearms. I bring him down close and bury my fingers in his bedhead, letting him taste me. I can’t breathe, but I haven’t felt this much alive in a long time. I feel ourselves warming up as we go along, but I push him away when I feel him start to grind on me.

Craig and I are different in a lot of ways, but not enough to turn one another off. I guess you could say that we balance each other out. My approach to life is colder than his, but he follows his emotions first and it shows. The way I tackle the world makes me less likely to get hurt, but Craig gets more out of life than I do. I can’t let him win this time, though; that would just hurt us both.

His eyes are twinkling, but not in a good way. Why do I keep fucking this up? I know what I want to say, but I’m not as good with my words as the musician before me.

“Not now, Craig. Not when you’re like this,” I tell him, trying to speak as softly as possible.

“Like what? A total, irreparable mess? That’s what I’ve been since day one, so if you think that’s gonna change, then you might as well throw me out. I can handle the streets.”

“No, you can’t.”

I get up and pull him to my chest. “Listen... Do you know how scared I was when you tried to run away that time? It wasn’t about feeling guilty or anything like that. It’s because didn’t want you to get hurt again. I’ve come this close to being homeless and if it’s something that I thought I wasn’t ready for, then you’d be dead on arrival.”

I hear him sniffle. Too harsh, but I can’t help it. Craig’s so stupid. So fucking stupid, but I just want him to be safe and happy for the rest of his life. Everyone deserves a second chance, even someone as clumsy as him. And if no one else will give it to him, then I’m more than willing to.

“I’m sorry.”

That’s what I tell him, but I didn’t expect him to say that at the same time as me; hell, at all.

“I keep screwing things up for everyone. Ash and Manny will never be the same again and neither are Joey and Angie. Why? Because I wasn’t happy with the kind of love I deserve. You know, the bare minimum. I swear to God, Sean, I’m just some goddamn cockroach that won’t die, no matter what. Why won’t I--”

I grab Craig by his hair and kiss him like there’s a gun to my head. He’d better know what I mean by me doing this. I’m pretty sure that I’m bruising his arm and fucking up his hairline, but I want him to know that I miss him and that I’ll stand by him no matter what. Jay and his crew can deal without me for a bit.

Craig looks around my room like this shouldn’t be happening. I try to caress his cheek, but it’s more like I’m pawing at it. Nice one, Cameron. Even Spinner could do this better than me, I bet.

“It’s okay with me if you wanna keep living here. For as long as you want, I don’t care. Unless...”

He gives me a sincere smile; I can’t believe he’s still able to read me after all the time we’ve spent away from each other. Then again, he’s been living with me for almost a month. “I doubt it’ll come to that. I love you, but Joey means a lot to me. He and I will figure it out somehow, I know it.”

I nod at him as I lie back down. He still seems restless, though, since I don’t know why else he’s staring out the window.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah, I’m just thinking about stuff.”

I shake my head with a smirk. “Come on, man, go back to sleep. I’ve got extra shop stuff to do this morning with Mister Ehl. Can’t really rest with you sitting like that.”

“I’m getting there, Sean.”

“Well, get there faster.”

His eyes meet mine. “What if I told you I was thinking about us?”

I feel myself blushing. “Just sleep already, Craig. You’ll have more time to think during the day.”

In good time, he lets himself fall next to me with a dreamy smile on his face.

“I never got to thank you for everything. I still feel like a dick about that, so I figured that while I’m here--”

I hug him tight. “I get it, Craig. And thanks for being you.”

Craig hugs me back as we finally go to sleep. I don’t even care that I’ll oversleep. I just feel less like crap and I think I can say the same for him.


End file.
